Big C's Birth Story

 

   A popular "fad" that I have noticed in the blogging world is that of sharing your children's birth stories. At first I was a little "nervous" around these stories as I thought that perhaps it was sharing overly private information or information that was not entirely appropriate for most audiences. But, as I started reading some of these posts, I realized something: these posts are beautiful. There is not another word for it! These posts are from real Moms sharing some of the scariest, most painful, yet exciting moments of their lives. The moments that they became Moms. The moments that their hearts literally (I guess figuratively...but it feels like literally) broke and became a place of unconditional love for someone other than themselves.
   I have two babies. Two wonderful, amazing babies. I clearly remember the moment that I first saw their perfect faces. Those first seconds are ingrained in my brain. And I love that. I love that when I look at Big C, I can still recall the first moment that I laid my eyes on him. I hope that those feelings of pride, excitement, thankfulness and fear are never forgotten. Since I am feeling nostalgic and I worry that maybe one day I won't remember...I have decided to share my birth story of Big C. You can read about Pj's birth story here. You have been warned - if this is not your cup of tea: don't read further. Simple as that. But, if you want to read another Mom's story about strength and love, read on!
   Big C's pregnancy was a relatively easy pregnancy for me. Although I was nauseous for the first 30 weeks, I typically only threw up in the mornings and then was pretty good the rest of the day. Big C was an active baby and I loved feeling his little flutters (which turned into kicks and punches later on). I felt very connected to him - in a way that I was unable to feel with Pj (she had a posterior placenta and so I never really felt her move!). We had found out at my 20 week ultrasound that Big C was a boy and we had pretty much started referring to him as Big C right away. He took on a whole "being" this way. We would talk and pray about him using his name and I really liked the connection that this created.

The first picture we have of the little guy!

   I went into labour with Big C on his due date. His labour was different the Pj's in the fact that I didn't feel anything at first. I had had a busy day and didn't really realize that something was up until around supper time. At this point I realized that, not only was I not feeling anything in the way of contractions, I was also not feeling Big C move! I tried to remember back to the last time I had felt something and I couldn't remember feeling anything for the entire day. I started to get worried but Mark reminded me that everything was in God's hands and then he had me drink a couple of glasses of orange juice to see if the sugar would make Big C active. Mark had a meeting that night and since I was in denial about the signs (I was 13 days overdue with Pj) I sent him on his way promising to keep him updated. After an hour of not feeling anything, I was getting quite nervous and I paged my midwife. She talked to me for a couple of minutes and asked me questions and then suggested that I meet her at the Labour and Delivery Triage in the hospital in half an hour. I was getting very agitated and worried at this point and called Mark to tell him to come home. I'm surprised that he figured out what I was saying since I am pretty sure all I did on the phone was rotate between hyperventilating and crying. He rushed home to find me throwing the entire closet and all the bathroom drawers into a bag - I hadn't even started packing a hospital bag yet (oops! but, like I already mentioned, Pj was 13 days late!). He helped me finish packing, we left our screaming toddler with my brother-in-law (sorry Greg!), and we drove to the hospital. We prayed the entire way. I was so full of dread that I had lost my baby boy. I had been having feelings of anxiety and "doom" my entire pregnancy (supposedly its a whole thing that can happen from raging pregnancy hormones!) and I thought that this was just the answer to those feelings. When we reached triage we were greeted by Isabelle, my midwife. I loved her my entire pregnancy and I was so excited to see that she was the one greeting me in my time of fear. She quickly ushered me into a back room and used one of those little hand-held Doppler tools to check for a heart beat. Within seconds she had found a strong and steady heart beat. I don't know that I have ever heard such a beautiful sound as that heart beat at that moment. She gave me a big hug and told me that since it was my due date and since I was there, she wanted to hook me up to the stress machine just to see what was going on. I agreed and we moved over to the triage beds. She hooked me up, brought me some juice to drink, and we chatted for a bit while we waited for the initial readings to show up. After a couple of minutes (10? 20?) she looked at the chart and said to me, "did you know you are in labour?". Uhhh...wait, what? With Pj I had felt my first contraction and every.single.one.following. With Big C I was already having contractions every 7 minutes (that were showing pretty strong) and I was feeling great! She sent Mark and I out for a walk and told us to come back in 45 minutes to see if there had been any progression. We walked around the hospital parking lot excitedly talking about the prospect of meeting our little man in the next couple of days (I say days because Pj was a whole process that took 3 days!). By the end of our little walk I was definitely feeling the contractions and at some points was not able to walk through them but had to hold onto Mark and think about my breathing. When we got back to triage, I was checked and then I chatted with my midwife and the OB/GYN that was on staff that night. They were having a "slow" night and thought that they would admit me and break my water in order to get things progressing and so that I could be holding my baby sooner than later. I was so excited - and extremely terrified. We went through the admitting process and got all set up in one of the delivery rooms. This was around 11pm. At this point my contractions were 5 minutes apart or less and I was about 4.5cm dilated. Mark and I did some more walking and over the next 5 hours everything progressed quickly and normally. And then I stalled...at 7 cm and with contractions only 1 minute a part. I very quickly panicked. I felt like I had re-winded 1 and a half years and was hearing the same information I was told when I stalled with Pj - and she didn't show up for another 24 hours after that! I looked at Mark and we both had the same look in our eyes: there was no way we could do a repeat of Pj. I asked the midwife for an epidural. The contractions were long and hard now and I was picturing myself having to deal with them for a full day - I knew I didn't have that in me. She obliged and very quickly the anesthesiologist came and I got all hooked up. The relief was instant! I had received an epidural with Pj but it hadn't been as effective as the one I had with Big C. This time both Mark and I were able to grab an hour of sleep! I woke up at about 6:30am. The midwife checked me and we realized that Big C was hindering his own progress because of how he was positioned (with his arms above his head). Without going into any detail - my midwife took care of this and everything all of a sudden fell into place! I was ready to meet my baby. We quickly woke up Mark, called for the back-up midwife to come (she was sleeping in the Nurse's lounge), and started the whole pushing process. I was so scared. I kept having flashbacks of Pj's delivery and I couldn't control my shaking and breathing. In fact after about 20 minutes I had a full out panic attack! I had to have an oxygen mask and my midwife sat down beside me and calmly talked me through my fears. She also explained to me that Big C's levels where spiking and that he needed to come out sooner than later. I promised her I could try again (at first I was adamant that I was done and this was not going to happen...rationality is not my strongest trait when I'm afraid). We started the process again. At this point the second midwife finally appeared; later she joked that she almost missed the whole thing because less than 10 minutes later Big C had made his arrival and was being placed on my chest. He was beautiful with his soft round face and his chubby little limbs. It was love at first sight.
 

   When he was placed on me he didn't move or make a noise. I noticed right away and kept asking the midwives, "whats wrong? why is he so quiet?". They rubbed him for a couple of seconds and then rushed him to the corner where they started using machines on him. They then called a "code pink". Mark and I just sat on the bed starting at our little boy on the table while people poured into our room. Each person had a job and they worked really well together. That said, I was terrified. It felt like hours passed. Later we found out that it was only about 5 minutes in total from the time he was taken to the table to the time that everyone was out of the room and Big C was back in our arms. He hadn't started breathing on his own and so he had to be resuscitated. As soon as he had the first breathe he was good and started to do it all on his own! He's a quick learner, our little guy! After that scare, he was safely in our arms and we got to more thoroughly inspect him. He was beautiful  handsome! He was a small baby by Lodder standards - only 8lbs 3.7ounces and 21 inches tall.

Father and Son!

   My delivery (although scary!) was wonderful. The midwives were so kind and calm. The lights in my delivery room stayed dimmed, the room was quiet, and I was allowed to move about (until the epidural) and do my own thing. During the delivery, my midwife stayed calm, didn't use any scary tools, and just quietly talked me through. I felt comfortable (as much as I could!) and I felt safe. Although it is a scary experience, I look back at Big C's arrival with a lot of fondness. I can even say that I would do it again...if I could make sure that it was a similar experience to Big C's. Mark was an amazing support. He stayed with me and rotated between joking with me, praying with me, and encouraging me.

Such squishy goodness!

   In total the whole process took about 8 hours. Big C joined our family on June 17th at 7:19am. Since that first moment we have been totally smitten with him. I was worried, before his arrival, that I wouldn't love him as much as Pj. But its true what they say, your love isn't divided, it grows! I have such a full heart - so much love for my babies, both of them. I couldn't imagine life without Big C...and that started the moment I laid eyes on him. He is such an integral part of this family. We are so excited to see where his life journey takes him.

I love how cuddly and little he looks!

   I can't share such an important story in my life without throwing some "Jesus" into it. This whole thing...this miracle of life. Its a "God-thing". How amazing that we have a God who created our lives this way - to grow and love little humans! When I think of the love I have for my children, even when they cry all night or hang off of my neck (yes, Pj is hanging off of my neck), I love them. How much more does our All-Amazing, Awesome, Perfect God love us, even when we fall short? Not only that, but in His eyes we don't fall short. Because His love was so unconditional that He sacrificed his son to pay for our sins and allow us to be called His son's and daughters. God knows us, every intimate detail of us. And He still loves us. Praise Him for that!

   Oh! And remember how initially they admitted me because it was a slow night?! Well things picked up over night and by the time Big C was born there had been 12 other babies born that night! :) He was 1 of 2 boys!